winter blues.

for some reason winter has always been a time of reflection and thinking for myself. ive realized thinking isnt always good because i eventually start battling with my thoughts about whats right and wrong. i dont ever remember feeling this alone in my life ever. i feel like ive gone through more shit i ever thought i would with noones help over the past year a half. im tired of going through every day with this emptyness and despair. i feel completely isolated everywhere i go everyday. i act like im fine but inside im not. i turn 21 in 3 weeks and alcohol is looking better and better each day. im honestly somewhat worried about becoming an alcoholic but maybe it will help me feel a little better and forget all this bullshit for the time being. i dont know where my life is going anymore and i have no control of anything. things just happen for some reason and i cant explain it. im looking forward to the day where everything is better and i feel happier. i hope i become much stronger and happier than ever like what happened last spring. but who knows. all i can do is live life day by day and hope for the best with every situation i come across…